Dealing With The Root Causes Of Failed Marriages.
If you look the world over, you will observe that some notable men and women have failed marriages. Late Mandela, perhaps and despite been one of the best-known leaders in Africa, had a failed marriage.
What of the royal marriage of Prince Charles and Princes Diana, their marriage had been a history. In this post, we shall be examining the root causes of failed marriages.
In the news some years ago, the newspaper [dailymail.co.uk], a popular newspaper in Britain carried the news that the Russian President Vladimir Putin had confirmed divorce from his wife of 30 years by removing all mention of her on his official website.
Also, this year 2016, it went wild on the internet and newsprint that a popular Preacher from Nigeria, Pastor Chris to be precise had a marriage failure as his wife of many years had divorced him…
Yes, all these marriage failures cut across every sphere of our society as popular and unpopular, rich/wealthy and poor, in fact, there are many high fliers in our society whose marriages are failures.
This goes to confirm what I have been saying “you can be very successful in your career or live endeavors but awful failure in your marriage”.
This post is to join the BIBLE warnings as can be seen in 1st Corinthian 10 verse 12 “Therefore let him who thinks he stands to take heed lest he falls”.
In other words, the place is warning that you should be careful with your own marriage because what happened to some couples that resulted in their experiencing a marriage failure could happen to you,
If all these people mentioned above could have marriage failures, do you think that you are totally immune from marriage failure?
This calls for caution with the way you handle and run your marriage. So learn from those who had failed marriages.
Therefore, we shall be looking at some of the root causes of these marriage failures, so as to avoid our own marriage from been a failure as well.
The first thing that causes failed marriage is taking our spouses for granted: Those who took their spouse for granted can do anything with recklessly abandon not minding the feelings of their spouse.
They are those who can easily jump into bed with another man or woman in extra-marital affairs. And of a truth, infidelity is more often than not the number one cause of marriage failures.
Unresolved conflicts and misunderstandings: There are couples who allow conflicts and misunderstanding between them to linger for so long unresolved and as a result, this leads to crack in their marriage.
It is, therefore, necessary that couples should not allow any conflict or misunderstanding to linger for so long unresolved.
Once couples notice any crack in their marriage, they should try and fix it immediately and should avoid allowing it to linger for so long.
When I talk about crack, I mean misunderstandings, conflicts, and little quarrels that are allowed to linger.
When love between couples gets soured: Love is the bedrock and oil that lubricates any marriage, but unfortunately, some couples out of negligence allow the love between them to get soured.
Therefore, couples who don’t wish to experience failed marriage should endeavor never to allow love for each other to get soured.
Of a truth, I have never seen couples who have a deep love for each other whose marriage will end in divorce. It is only when love for each other get soured that other negative things begin to follow such as conflicts which lead to divorce.
When couples fail to practice forgiveness: I have never seen the marriage of couples who finds it difficult to forgive each other that will ever be a success.
In fact, I learned something valuable from Bishop Oyedepo David of Winners Chapel International of what he calls advance forgiveness. That is to say forgiving our spouse even before an offense is committed.
To practice advance forgiveness means that couples should never harbor offense against each other. In other words, you should ensure that you don’t keep a diary of offenses done to you by your spouse.
I once intervened in the crises of a couple and the wife of that man took more than two minutes to recount all the bad things her husband had been doing to her.
Equally, the man himself took almost the same minutes to recount the bad things his wife had done to him. At the end of listening to them, I demanded to see the dairies where they had recorded these offenses and I found out that none them had any physical diary, but all the recordings were in their brain.
After all said and done, I told them that their problem was their keeping malice against each other and not forgiving one another.
Once they stopped keeping records of offense against each other as well as start forgiving each other, real love for each other started to improve and with the improvement of love for each other, the crises in their marriages totally disappeared.
Another root cause of failed marriages is selfishness on the parts of spouses: Of a truth, many couples are in marriage relationships for the reason of what to grab from the marriage relationship not minding whether they are giving out anything.
Once they failed to get those things they were expecting from their spouse conflicts do results.
Also, another way selfishness manifest itself in a marriage is to stick to one’s points of view not minding the effect of such view on their spouse or marriage.
That is why you normally hear couples cite the reasons for their marriage failure as “irreconcilable differences”.
Lack of commitment to one’s marriage and spouse is also another root cause of failed marriages: Most often, it is the lack of commitment to one’s spouse and marriage that make some couples lose their partner and marriage.
It is necessary that couple should vow never to allow another man or woman to snatch his or her wife or husband.
In conclusion, if you don’t allow in your marriage any of the points mentioned above which had caused some marriages to fail, your own marriage will never fail.
So I encourage you to stay committed to your marriage and never allow it to fail. Shalom.